Why I Chose The Path I Did
God is very dear to me. From a early age my parents taught me of the love and tender care of Jesus. Dad was a lay preacher and our family spent a lot of Saturdays going to the various churches dad had been invited to preach at. He was in high demand, I hardly remember the few Saturdays where he wasn’t preaching somewhere. So I grew up under the banner of God’s love and care.
This was put to the test when I got sick. The initial stages of the disease almost claimed my life. It all started with a spider bite, but the doctors finally diagnosed cancer (leukaemia) and septicaemia (blood poisoning). To a child of seven the treatment was quite distressing, everyone around me was dying, the friends I’d made and others I didn’t know, and the treatment itself was painful.
At that stage us kids were ‘guinea pigs’, the treatment we were given isn’t administered any more it is too ‘toxic’. One of the main drugs I was given was known to have a deadly side affect and we kids were watched like hawks for any sign of a reaction. Once off the medication we were deemed ‘safe’ and no longer ‘watched’. Of course I was the first patient in history to have a reaction after the medication was ceased. I was officially dead for about one and a half minutes before the doctors were successful in reviving me. (Once I’d reached that final stage of life all pain and distress had left and I was only sleepy. I remember telling mum I was tired and I wanted to go to sleep, why wouldn’t the doctors let me go to sleep? I didn’t know it was the sleep of death.)
Mum explained as best she could why things were the way they were. Mum didn’t want me to go through this, and Jesus didn’t want me to go through this but that Jesus would be with me every step of the way. Music at this stage became very important to me, we had some beautiful kid’s religious music (Heaven is for Kids, God Invented Kids etc) and I had all my lumbar punctures to their music. While other kids were being held down by sometimes up to four nurses I would lay quietly absorbed in the music. I believe now looking back having no choice but to endure the pain, it has helped me to just endure the pain today. Your mind does put into place ‘coping’ strategies but still today music is my biggest helper. It does help to calm the mind and the beautiful christian words help to bring peace of mind. Jesus does love us, He never intended for us to suffer and He always puts into place measures for us to cope. A couple of my many favourite hymns today is ‘What a friend we have in Jesus’ and ‘Because He lives’, it’s because He lives I live today. I’m not totally confident it was the doctors who saved my life, I’m more inclined to think it was Jesus and for that reason I am willing to consecrate my life to Him.
Today’s sufferings are a direct result of the treatment then given. Radiation has caused brain tumours, chemotherapy has made my body sensitive to a lot of things and organs are failing, lumbar punctures have left me with debilitating nerve damage. But through all this I have felt God’s upholding power, I have visual proof of His love and ability to carry me through, no matter what. It doesn’t matter how bad I feel, my only duty is to ‘attempt’ to go where He leads and Jesus will take over and get me there. We are living in the devil’s playground and bad things do happen but if we put our trust in Jesus it is guaranteed Jesus will get us through. There have been many times in my travels when I have wavered and stalled, but I have learnt that Jesus is the only way, nothing at all in this world can convince me otherwise. Jesus loves me, I know that and I can feel that.
In my travels I have seen how the devil treats his subjects and it’s horrific, the fear and terror those children had of death, the fear and torment of their parents for their darling children left to burn in purgatory, their only ‘crime’ they died suddenly before the ‘last rights’ could be administered, or the parents had no idea of where their children ‘were’ in the ‘afterlife’. The devil is a horrific master and nothing anyone ever does or says will make me change sides.
All these experiences have impacted on my decision to work for Jesus. So enough about my early childhood, I think you get the picture of how those events contributed to my decisions today. So why did I choose this path? One of the main reasons was my love for Jesus, He died on the cross, He gave me life and in this world of sin He proved by His life on earth and His tender care of His sheep how deep His love goes. If I can by a minuscule amount return that love and devotion my hand goes up, pick me, I’m in, I’m yours.
I made my decision to work for God before dad died, so dad had the opportunity to help mould me in the right direction, to impart his knowledge and give counsel and advice. But ultimately the decision was mine to make. It meant sacrifice, but at the beginning I never realised how far that term ‘sacrifice’ meant. God in His goodness hid the end from the beginning and if I had seen this path from the start I don’t know if I would have had the courage to proceed.
I have learnt that Jesus gives strength moment by moment, He never gives strength for two weeks down the track. It is moment by moment that I rest on Him and moment by moment He gives me strength. He has got me through and I can attest that without a shadow of a doubt Jesus saves. When I know for a fact there is no way I can make it of my own accord, I know Jesus will get me there, even if He has to carry me.
I have reconciled to the fact and left behind my pains of never having a family. I know the cause is results of radiation but I also know, if He had chosen to, family would have come along. I also know my physical pain could have been relieved by a word or touch from Jesus. I have left these burdens at the cross and I know Jesus will answer and heal these pains when in heaven we walk and talk by the river of life. In the meantime they are buried deep in my soul and they in no way impair my judgement or love for Him.
I agreed to dedicate my entire life to Jesus because I love Him. Helpers are needed. Some helpers only go so far, as soon as jobs, health or family have to be chosen between too many helpers pull out, the sacrifice is too great for them. But not so for me, I have chosen to give Him my all. There is no disgrace for workers who pull out because the path is ‘too hard’. Jesus understands, He gives the opportunity, if the worker ‘feels’ he cannot make the distance or fails to put their full trust in Jesus, Jesus pulls back, takes the onus off them and tries someone else. Quite a few people want the chance, Jesus gives them the chance they required and when they see how hard the path is and fall back Jesus can say “I gave you that chance friend”. No one will be able to accuse Jesus of ‘never letting them have a chance’.
Here is a example of this in history, we can point to Ellen White. She wasn’t the first chosen. Jesus first laid the responsibility on Hazen Foss who declined, Jesus then turned to Ellen White.
As we advance in our work for Him Jesus opens His arms and welcomes us in, closer and closer we can press into His presence. Each step of faith taken, each trial borne brings us closer to the cross. Jesus loves to draw us closer into His presence, He loves to draw us into a closer relationship with Him. Friend all can come into His presence, cast your burdens at His feet and join me in His arms.
All through my travels Jesus has been by my side, every trial has brought me closer to Him. Through the fires of affliction Jesus has been my shepherd, trial by fire has brought me through the furnace and out the other side. I know from experience Jesus does save and He will guide me across to the other side. I love Jesus with all my heart and in my case nothing will change that. Choosing the path I did was driven by my love for my Saviour, I am willing to follow Him to the cross. Friend, how about you? Jesus needs workers, so many have fallen by the wayside, a lack of faith or a strong temptation they are unwilling to part with. Jesus needs us now, He is waiting to take us home.
Friends are you willing to step up to the batting plate and join His team? I’m praying for you. Amen
Hand to Hand Conflict
In writing these documents I have come across some fierce opposition. Satan does not enjoy being exposed, he likes to fight in the darkness, keeping his victims unaware of his intentions. I would like to put to paper my struggles with the devil and share it with you. Often in times of peril it is very hard to see the way, often another’s struggles, falls and triumphs can give you strength in your own personal fight. Friend, the devil is very cunning, he also knows who to target, he knows who Jesus has picked for special missions and he personally targets those people. The more important the commission the more determined the devil is.
I know personally how the devil fights and believe me it’s frightening. I know from experience that it feels like the life force is being sucked out of you, like a large hand is on your chest pushing you under, down beneath the earth. I also know the physical pain and mental anguish that accompanies these storms. It is a fight for life. I don’t have to do the actual fighting but it is my responsibility to hold on, that is my only responsibility – to hold on to Jesus. Jesus knows when the devil is forming his battle lines and Jesus marshals His own army in defence. I also know from experience that no matter how hard the devil attacks he cannot win the fight. He has no power to kill me, my bodyguard is much stronger. Jesus Himself does intercede if necessary, but mostly angel warriors do get the victory, Jesus sends strength and help from heaven.
But what of the fight and why? The after effects leave me shattered, like there isn’t any strength left in me, exhausted. Mental fights / storms can be just as exhausting as physical ones. Picture it if you will a boat overturned at sea, the passengers drowning. There is a island within reach but the night is dark and the sea is choppy. Wave after wave crashes over your head and pushes you under, it is a swim for your life or sink in the billows. You put your all into the fight and swim for the shore. Just when you think life is lost and you feel you can go no further your feet touch the sand of that blessed island, you made it. Looking back the way you just came you see the ship is sunk but shining in the night are the angels who just carried you to shore. Yes Jesus was there all through the night and it was Jesus who carried us to safety.
Friend, these battles with the devil are very real. We are a very real threat to his kingdom, we are exposing his character to the world and we are fighting for Jesus, his arch enemy. Satan isn’t going to take this lying down, he is going to fight. We need to be painfully aware of how the devil fights. He doesn’t play fair, we know that, but in his fights he always uses a element of truth and this my friend, can be our downfall. If we listen to the ‘truth’ the devil advocates it can be our downfall. Now we know that our merciful and loving Saviour will never allow us to sink, especially when we are fighting tooth and nail for Him, but it is of utmost importance to recognise when the devil is aiming his fiery darts at us. If we can see the devil in the detail, believe me my friend, the battle is much easier to fight.
To recognise the ‘devil in the detail’ we need to stop and listen, pause for a moment and think, are you getting all the truth? The devil only gives you what he can use to bring you down, he often only gives you the negative, he pushes hard upon you the injustices, the neglect, physical pain, anguish of mind, anything within you he can use to pull you down. Often what he says is true, but he always falls short of telling you about our Saviour’s love. Once we recognise friend, who is talking the battle is much easier to fight. Always stop and reason out a situation, we can often see much clearer.
While we may ‘realise’ we are in a fight with the devil the actual fight is still very hard to bear. Yes our only duty is to ‘hold on’ but if we change our perception it makes the storm lighter to bear. Recognise who is talking and change your viewpoint, instead of agreeing with the devil’s ‘true’ arguments, block him, turn your back and don’t listen to him at all. Look to Jesus, Jesus will send help to guide you through the storm.
Friend, times are tough. We are living in the last days, time is running out. The commissions we have are some of the most important, we are fighting for the world. Satan isn’t going to let us pass by there is too much at stake. We are fighting to prove to the universe God’s law is just, we are fighting for heaven, Satan my friend, is fighting for his life. Friend, I can tell you from experience these fights are vicious, in some I really thought I was going to lose my life (I now know from experience how strong my Saviour is and I know from experience that the devil has no power to kill me). These battles have been fierce and as I keep fighting for Jesus I know they are only going to get worse. I stand ever ready to fight. My blessed Saviour died on the cross so I can live and for that I love Him dearly, for that I’d lay down my life for Him. I’m in this battle till the end. As long as there is life in me I will fight for Jesus no matter what the devil throws at me. I now know my heavenly protection can keep me safe, I know the devil is still going to attack, but I do my uttermost to keep a positive outlook and sing my way through the storm. Jesus is coming ready or not. I stand fully armed with the armour of God, ready to go to war with the devil and his agents, ready to fight for Christ, ready to go home.
Amen
My Story In A Allegory
A young child was sitting in the grass by the side of the road, her parents had placed her there so mother could attend to the baby and father needed to change a flat tyre. While the child was young she could comprehend and understand what was going on around her. They were moving, she had said goodby to her friends (that had been particularly hard), they had packed up their house. The removalist team had come the night before and taken all their stuff, they had all her precious toys except one. A long loved teddy bear was clasped in her arms, held tight as if the child was afraid of losing it. This bear had been through a lot with her and the child would not let it go for anything, mother had tried to pack it with their belongings but the young child would have nothing of it. Bear, as she called him, was staying with her. Seeing that they were not going anywhere fast the child lay down in the grass and with ‘Bear’ by her side she let her mind wander down memory lane, putting together the pieces as to how they ended up here in the first place.
Health hadn’t been kind to Bear (Bear was her alias, she was in fact referring to herself), cancer coupled with septicaemia at a early age had almost claimed her life and Bear had seen and endured the most horrific scenes a hospital could offer, especially to a seven year old. Closing her eyes tight, as if to shut ‘it all’ out, the child couldn’t help but remember ‘those’ days. She could still ‘smell’ the hot greasy food that was dinner, the whine of the linear radiation machine, the constant visits to clinic sessions, the endless fingerpicks for blood tests and having to lay still for the lumbar punctures, yes she still remembered it all. She had given up making friends, after all what was the point, they all died. Doctors visits, hospitals, they only meant one thing for her, pain, pain and more pain. It was hard to get ahead, after all it was early days with cancer treatment (the treatment and medication given her is not used anymore, it is considered too toxic. Precious little comfort for her), life threatening drug reactions, drug side affects, she knew she would never be ‘whole’, yes, she knew it all.
Picking Bear up off the grass the young child searched him over, yes, he was ok, yes he was still alive, hugging him closely to her chest the child knew Bear was a surviver. Looking him closely in the eye the child asked the ultimate question “how was he, really? And how did he do it?” Deep down the child knew the answers to both of these questions, after all she was Bear, the real question to be asked was, “was Bear ready to talk about it?” Bear wasn’t, she wasn’t sure if Bear ever would, the pain ran too deep. Mother was calling, it was time to move on, picking Bear up the young girl tenderly placed him on the seat beside her and allowed her mother to fasten her seatbelt. Picking up Bear she held him close, only he knew her real pain, only he could understand, so she thought at the time.
Years rolled by, Bear became a long forgotten pastime and the memory of his painful past was pushed to the back of the girl’s mind, but as age caught up with the girl Bear’s past came back to haunt her. Time spent crying over a family that never eventuated, intense crippling physical pain, organs vital for life failing – yes, she knew it was all Bear’s fault. If only he hadn’t survived (the other children didn’t) she knew she wouldn’t be in the pain she was in today. There was only one thing holding her, her faith in Jesus, after all Bear had a strong faith in Jesus, even as a cub Bear had loved Jesus. Now today the girl knew it was her love for Jesus and her desire to work for him that was holding her up. One aspect of her being still held strong and that was her mind. Throughout all her torturous treatment, meant to save her life, her mind had held steady. That again she credited to Bear, somehow through the black night, even as a small child, Bear had found Jesus and she had held on no matter what. Bear wasn’t afraid of death like some of the other children had been, Bear knew heaven awaited her if she didn’t make it. But during the night, throughout the storms Bear knew it was Jesus carrying her through, Jesus had given her the strength to ‘keep going’, Jesus had comforted her, Jesus had held her hand during every fingerpick (blood-test), every lumbar puncture, Jesus had been with her all along. It was Jesus that gave her the strength to stand and she fully believed the only reason Bear was alive today was because of Jesus. She remembered the fear and terror those children and their parents had of death and wondered if anyone had told them of the love of Jesus.
Turning to face the mirror, the now aged girl knew that Bear was long gone. Pondering her reflection she knew her life had been one of trial and pain, but through it all Jesus had stood by her side. She knew her body was weak, battered and bruised, she had been through the fires of affliction and come out the other side shining like gold. The thought of those people not knowing about her loving Saviour weighed heavily upon her mind, she loved her Saviour dearly, He had always been there for her. Facing the mirror front on the now aged girl made a pledge, she would tell the world of her Saviour and Redeemer’s love. Her body was broken and bruised but her mind was strong, years of pain had built a resolve deep within her that no-one could break. So with head held high, a resolve that could not be broken and her hand in the hand of her Saviour, the girl turned away from the mirror and entered the commission of her life, to show the world her loving, kind and compassionate Saviour.
Friends, it is very hard at the beginning of our trials why these things are permitted to pass. As I have outlined in many of my documents Jesus never causes pain, we are living in the usurped playground of Satan and as we know he is a tyrant. Satan’s rule is death, pain and destruction, he delights in suffering and distress and all troubles stem from him. Jesus could at a word dispel him, but if Jesus did how would we learn to grow? It says in the Bible how Jesus moulds our character via the furnace of affliction. As the above allegory depicts it is trial by fire. So while Jesus, friends, never causes the affliction, He doesn’t always shield us from it. Jesus uses it to teach us to lean on Him and strengthens our trust in Him. Friends, I would like to point out the obvious, you cannot have faith and trust in someone if you have never exercised the faith muscle. Faith and trust doesn’t grow on trees, you can’t just ‘pluck it off’ when you need to use it. Trust and faith comes by experience and believe me my friends, my life has strengthened my muscles immensely. I wouldn’t be standing here today without the guiding hand of my Saviour, my health alone would have destroyed me if my Redeemer hadn’t walked with me through the fires of affliction and taught me to stand. Friends, I believe ‘My Story, In A Allegory’ coupled with ‘Why I Chose The Path I Did’ is the perfect example of why Jesus takes us through the furnaces of affliction. Never in a million years could I have seen the end from the beginning, often I wondered why my path was so rugged, but with each battle, each trial, I grew stronger, I learnt more and more to lean on Jesus and I know now for a certainty Jesus does save. Jesus and Jesus alone carried me through, I can see now from sight not by faith, the strength Jesus can and does impart. I never would have seen this at the beginning, what Jesus can do if you put your faith in Him. Friends, what about you? Are you traveling through ‘the fires of affliction’? Friends, we may not ‘see’ right now what Jesus is doing but please friends, trust me, take a leaf out of my book, Jesus really does know what He is doing, I alone can vouch for the fact. While the night was dark and the seas stormy Jesus was my shining light all the way through. I felt His uplifting power and I have come through shining like gold. While I couldn’t see at the very beginning what Jesus was doing I can see it now. He has installed in me a faith that will never be broken and He has shown me His strength and power to protect and uphold. Friends, you may be in the dark right now, you may be traveling through the fires of affliction, please rest in Jesus, He will carry you. Believe me I know for a fact that Jesus saves, you may not see the reasons now but trust in Jesus friends, He will carry you through.
Isaiah 48:10 “Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.”
23rd Psalm
“(A Psalm of David) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.